Growing up in a sheltered, homeschooled, religious home, being groomed to believe men had authority over me, to submit, respect & a product of purity culture, never to trust myself, all feelings are bad, and be a "giving tree"
Let's just say the way my life turned out in my 20s should shock no one but myself.
If you had told me my world view was a problem, was down right harmful, I would have argued with you. And really many in a round about way tried but I was prepared as a homeschooled child to defend what I believed and give you 10,000 reasons why in the correct logical order. If you stumped me I would recognize your great point and meld it to my point of view.
However, outside of standing up for the fundamentalist ways I was taught, I was groomed to be the picture of a perfect wife. Having all my ducks in a row and many children to follow. I wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother, but I was also taught that it was my heist honor. (Because that's all women were created for, ya know.) If I was to pursue a career it was for the gap of time between high school and marriage, with the odd possible chance my husband should die or I would need to supplement the income for a short time because it was my job to tend to the home.
As a child no emotion was a good one. Including any that were so happy that would draw attention to you as a person, do more than stand apathetically while singing and "praising" God, and let's not get me started on feeling inspired by a pop culture film.
My voice was taken from me at any turn of having my own thoughts. This lead to shoving many feelings deep to where they were not even unrecognizable to me.
Dark thoughts of anxiety, depression, & even suicidal where not a stranger to me though high school, however I was never able to label them, let alone be able to admit where my mental health was.
The marriage to my first husband went down like a sinking ship on fire.
After dealing with harmful sexual addictions less than 3 weeks into our marriage; I, also, found out less than 3 years into our marriage he had sexual desires towards my, at the time, 1 year old daughter.
I was gone by the end of the week.
I was advised by the church to return to him and by many people near to me that, "It may work out in the future." I was also distanced from many friends for being a divorced 25 year old with soon to be 3 kids under 2 1/2.
My mental health really took a dive after dating a few guys on the internet and breaking off an engagement three weeks before a large, planned wedding. That summer was one of many panic attacks and dark nights only to be treated as the girl who didn't have her life together.
Unfortunately, by that fall I would be back together with him as my second husband and baby #4 on the way because I was never given true support of my nerves system and tools to heal from the past.
Today, I am now happily single, knowing my worth, deconstructed beliefs, healed nervous system, and vanquished people pleaser.
Guiding my 4 little humans in an emotionally healthy environment and humbly willing to admitting to generational toxicity and support their own unique paths in life and healing journey.
Through my life-altering experiences, I have found a passion to help others through their unexpected life changes. As an impactful author and a keynote speaker for many audiences both in person and virtually, making every effort to help women walk through the transition of finding out who they are now and how to let go of old dreams that aren't serving them anymore; while handling triggers that make us fear the future and, most importantly, I want all humans to be comfortable in their identity and value who they are even when they feel broken and lost in their situations.
Keep on track, stay motivated, and sort through the past and look to the future.
It is time to rewire your nerves system!